The scene is after dinner in the White House before Joe and Jill ascend the stairs to their bedroom.
JILL
Joe, we have to talk.
JOE
Again? I’m getting tired of these bedtime chats. Whadda want now?
JILL
People are starting to talk and are calling me an “elder abuser.”
JOE
Elder abuser? Who’s an elder around here? Is my mom here to visit? You never liked her.
JILL
The press thinks YOU are aging too quickly and won’t be able to finish out a second term. They are thinking of replacing you with either Newsom or Michelle at our DNC Convention!
JOE
He slowly ascends the steps one at a time holding onto the railing while looking down at his feet.
Newsom? With his high head of hair? And Michelle? Didn’t she just drown someone that works in their kitchen in a local pond? And I carefully chose Kamala so something like this would never be an option for them.
JILL
All options seem to be on the table. You are down in all the polls having Trump beat you. It is getting embarrassing.
JOE
I’ll beat Trump like a drum like I did before.
JILL
With all due respect, honey. We had a little help from election, postal, and drop box workers. Our little busy bees that we paid quite generously. Remember?
JOE
Well, we can hire them again.
JILL
Not likely as they are all on a watch list and some even arrogantly sued Giuliani. We can’t go back to that well again. And your son Hunter has nine counts against him, and the House is trying to tie us into his influence selling. I knew those loan repayment checks would come back to haunt us.
JOE
Garland won’t prosecute Hunter. I know where all HIS bodies are buried. Let him just try. And he’s your son too. You raised him while I was at work earning a living.
JILL
That’s a low blow. You never disciplined him and now look where we’re at. Also, our border problem is looking more like an invasion, and you’re getting all the blame despite having the press try to blame Trump. No one is buying that story any longer. We have to build the wall and enforce the current immigration laws like Trump did.
JOE
Shut up! You’re starting to sound like a dumb MAGA white supremacist. Leave me alone! I’m not resigning. I’m not a crook!
JILL
You’re starting to sound like Nixon. And another thing. Your Green New Deal has been coined Green New Sham by Trump because EVs aren’t selling like you promised they would. And where did all the money go that was supposed to build charging stations? They all want to know. And I won’t even bring up Bidenomics. If we’re not drilling for oil, our economy will never come back, they say.
JOE
Get out of my bedroom you climate denier!
JILL
She went into the bathroom to run her soaking tub as she did each night while she would cry to herself. While the water was running she whispered to herself.
That sonofabitch thinks he can boss me around. I’ll show him. Dougie and I have something going on, and I don’t have to drag him around like Mr. Magoo. He loves me. I’m a doctor! I deserve more respect.
She let out a large sigh before she submerged herself under the wet heat after taking a large gulp from her wine goblet.
I’ll show him who’s boss.
JOE
Honey? Could you take off my socks?
JILL
Oh, God.
A Day in the Life of the Bidens.
StillbetteroffwithTrump 