The scene is the Bidens sitting in the White House study discussing the day’s events over an evening cup of coffee. Joe is in a trance staring at the fireplace.
JILL
Hey Joe, how do you think Andrew will do fighting those charges of sexual harassment?
JOE
Who?
He takes a sip of his hot coffee and it dribbles down the front of his shirt knocking himself out of his reverie.
Ouch! Shit! Those clowns brought me scalding hot coffee! I’m not joking!
JILL
Poor baby, be more careful. Governor Cuomo. You asked him to resign today, remember?
JOE
Oh…him. Well…he’s a long time buddy of mine, but Nancy asked me to do it. We have to do what she asks or I get in trouble. He’ll get a good lawyer and fight it. It’s a good distraction in the news from the border calamity, don’t ya think? Besides, if he gets charged, I’ll pardon him just like Trump pardoned all his cronies.
JILL
Sure, honey. But, so you’re saying this is all political?
JOE
Everything’s political. What I wear to a press conference is political. Yesterday my tan suit was the talk of the town. And my recent jogging around in front of camera seems to be a hit too. Whadda ya think? Trump couldn’t jog and never even tried. I’m fit as a fiddle.
He pounded lightly on his burned chest like Tarzan.
JILL
Sure Joe. What are we going to do about the midterms? Looks like the people are mad about the new strain of covid, the border surge, and mask mandates; and we may lose in the midterms.
JOE
Lose schmooze. Don’t worry, the more we instill covid fear across America, the more we’ll be able to force mail in ballots again. We are a shoo-in with mail in ballots. Right?
JILL
I suppose, unless the GOP refuses to go along with it this time. They are onto us.
JOE
Who cares what they want? I’m in charge, and I get what I want from here on out. The CDC does what I tell them along with Fauci. It’s no longer follow the science, it’s political science. We may even have a national lockdown again just to put more small companies out of business permanently. Get those business owners dependent on my stimulus checks, send more covid infected migrants to Florida, and knock DeSantis out of the presidential running. Who does that guy think he is? I bet I can do more push ups than him.
JILL
Sure you can, Joe. What are you going to do about your son’s embarrassing new career which even the left is mocking these days?
JOE
He’s giving me half the proceeds of his sales, so I’m all for it. He’s genius. Maybe you should concentrate more on our daughter and stay out of my only son’s business.
JILL
Sure Joe. I’ll stay out of Hunter’s business when you stop sniffing little girls’ hair like you did yesterday on camera! Cut it out! And why did you hand off a dirty face mask to that little boy?
JOE
For a souvenir of the President of the United States, of course. Someday he’ll be able to say, “President Biden wore this over his mouth.”
JILL
Oh God. Get over yourself! If his mother doesn’t burn it first. It’s disgusting! This presidency gig has gone to your head. Get off your high horse, mister! And they used to call Trump a narcissist!
JOE
You’re disgusting! Get out of my sight! I’m going to bed.
He struggles to stand and shuffles slowly out of the room.
JILL
I’m going to soak in a hot bath! Good night! Have the servants put you to bed! I’m out!
She lowers herself into the steamy hot water while thinking out loud.
He’s one mean, nasty son of a bitch. I’m going to sneak off to Obama’s birthday bash without him.
She takes a large swig of her chardonnay before submerging her head under the bubbles washing away her troubles. At least for the moment.
Who knows what tomorrow brings?
Day in the Life of the Bidens.
StillbetteroffwithTrump 