The scene is Hillary and Bill relaxing in their Chappaqua, NY, living room reading the newspaper in the afternoon. A box of Hillary’s new released book on the floor.
HILLARY
Well, Bill it’s five o’clock somewhere.
Hillary cackles as she pours her first glass of Chardonnay for the day.
BILL
What do you think about this AG Barr character traveling to other countries digging up dirt on the 2016 election? And he’s appointed a topnotch lawyer to investigate. Do you think we’re in jeopardy?
HILLARY
It’s just another vast right-wing conspiracy trying to bring us down, dear. They’re obsessed with us.
BILL
But they may be digging into my tarmac meeting with Lynch, your interview with the FBI, the meeting with Obama after the election, and even the missing emails not to mention the dossier.
HILLARY
I don’t care. We’re untouchable. They tried with Whitewater, then with Monica, and finally Benghazi. They failed before and will fail again. They’re all a bunch Barney Fifes. Obama’s got our back. He’s even more untouchable.
BILL
I’m not so sure. Obama’s got his own troubles with his unprecedented unmasking when he left office. Trump’s out for revenge for the Insurance Plan, the spying on his campaign, the dossier, the Mueller sham, and the Kavanaugh smear. We may have gone too far this time, Hill. Barr looks as serious as a heart attack. I hate to tell you, but our jig is up, dear.
HILLARY
Chillax! Stop being such a Debbi Downer. All’s I need to do is fake another fall in public view and the fawning press will surround me, then have my doctor report something serious and, viola, it’ll change the news cycle. Not to worry honey. I’ve got this. I’ve gotten you out of jams before and will again. Besides, I’ve spoken to Brennan and he’s planted a rogue CIA agent in the White House to get some impeachable dirt on that current occupant of the Oval Office. They’re changing the “whistleblower” criteria as we speak.
Hillary fills her wine goblet to the rim again and takes a large chug, some splashing onto her pants suits. She cackles as she wipes the wine from her jacket with a cloth.
BILL
You’ve always got something up your sleeve, don’t you? I think we should leave the country for a while, maybe a trip to Paris? Parlez vous francais?
HILLARY
That’ll look great in the press. I can see the headlines now, “The Clintons have left the country to an undisclosed location. What are they running from?” Thanks, but no thanks Bill. I’ll stay here and go on a book tour with Chelsh.
BILL
Suit yourself. But don’t say I didn’t warn you. I may go to a private island somewhere.
HILLARY
Speaking of suits. I have to get out of this blistering hot pants suit. Run the bath for me, dear, while I pour another glass. Add some bubble bath. I need a long soak while I plan our next move. And you’re not going to that damn island again! Epstein is dead, remember? God, you’re getting senile.
Another Day in the Life of Hillary at Home with Bill.
StillbetteroffwithTrump 